my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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