Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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