sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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