I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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