toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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