ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have fence marks all over my body
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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