Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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