i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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