I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
