If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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