i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
