How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
please don't ironically join a cult
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