i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
