What did we do last night that was yellow?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish you could order shots online.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
