I just pynch a tree in the face
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
