Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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