We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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