What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
