If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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