I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize