Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
