Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
