I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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