sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
