its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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