I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
