24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
