Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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