If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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