Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
