i jhust puked up my retainher.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
