I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize