Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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