if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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