so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
