If i come over, it means nothing
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
