who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need a sexual gate keeper
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize