At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want nice things and good sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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