I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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