Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
