my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
