Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
