if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
