um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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