we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
