it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
