He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
