he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
