Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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