So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
