Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
