New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize