The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
