I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
