I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm too high and old for this...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
