I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to stop coming to work sober
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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