Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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