I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
