I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
