I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
