whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
