I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
