Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
