Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
