Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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