I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize