So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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