I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
