now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
