Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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