You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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