Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
