so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
