The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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