so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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