my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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