I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
