she woke up with a sticky ear
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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