The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
