Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
