the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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