I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
