I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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