That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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