its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
