When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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