Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He did a backflip because drugs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
