did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
